chocolate paradize

2010-10-31T06:37:00.000-07:00

Thinking of what i do not feel like thinking.

He said something, and i just keep thinking i also hope i can be better. what has been done has been done. I can never turn back time. And even if they are anything in my life they are nothing good.

EVEN IF SHE IS ALIVE, SHE WILL STILL NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO HOLD UP TO HER RESPONSIBILITY!!

All i can say is: They are selfish, so we are all selfish. So i want to work hard earn lots of money and get over this pathetic life.

I am back

2010-04-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

Yo man.... I am back!! Haha... Got miss me. I bet so.

Anyway i miss you guys!! My Secondary School FRIENDS!! I hope we always stay the same. I don't give a damn whether you are a male or female. As long as you are a friend of mine i will miss you!! Love you!! Haha

2009-12-10T08:25:00.000-08:00

Hmm... i am not angry with anyone, or anybody. It also not cause i can't let go of the past. If there isn't a past there won't be the present me. I dun like crowd, i can never blend in, and it a torture to know how useless i am to be left out. It been like that for years, i dun understand why i got to torture myself trying to blend in.

I am not useless. Seems so deluding.

2009-12-09T23:14:00.000-08:00

Should i go back or should i not? If i were to go back i will be left out, but kind of miss there. Forget it i won't go back, it not like i won't see them anyhow. And i was never good with crowd or with people. I dun know watz to say, dun know how i should look, and worse still i dun know how to act, so that i won't be left out. I am sure a boring person, that is why i was not special, not wanted.

Maybe i should stop thinking that i am juz a nobody and a unwanted person. Should never let the past inflict the present person.

2009-12-07T05:24:00.000-08:00

Am i useless? I feel so useless. Whatever..... maybe it juz a feeling. Who cares whether how i feel. And it juz not easy to talk about it.

Guess what i eat on friday? For dinner, i ate half a packet of fried rice, one andersen classic- 5 50g scoops, a muffin, a cookies in one hour. Actually not alot la. haha. Wow i so happy, thinking of it now, i am drooling. Let eat like that again. Ice cream, ice cream. i see ice cream i so happy. so excited. Actually thinking of food i forget everything.

I love you.... :)

2009-12-01T04:44:00.000-08:00

Is it really that fun to play a joke on someone? A joke also means want to make fun of the person right? Den i shall play with you. I know how to play at sure things... A tooth for a tooth. Or maybe i won't, not so bad, or childish. Anyway i can't be bothered.

It 1st of Dec.... I LOVE DECEMBER. Birthday coming and Christmas. I love Christmas. Log cake, gift, food, food and more food. I love food and log cake. i miss you man and i am going to eat you up to show you how much i miss you. I will give you a big kiss and then eat you up, YUM YUM.

2009-11-17T04:33:00.000-08:00

Please i broke with that idoitic simon long long ago. I won't give a damn about him. I dun feel a damn about him. Although i still miss the attention. But who cares? I can do without it. Being free is more important to me. I AM GOING TO STAY SINGLE!!! SINGLE!!

Now i juz want ice cream, buffet after buffet.

Only if i had money. Then i will travel the world to eat and eat haha

2009-11-14T03:18:00.000-08:00

I also feeling down who can i run to? I dun want to talk or cry, i just want someone to hug and fall asleep on. Give me some warm out of the disaster. I want to bleed give me a pen knife and i will bled to i end up in the hospital.

Watz is more painful den emotion pain??????

2009-11-06T06:02:00.001-08:00

Life is full of ups and downs, it just effable. Anyway hope everyone are doing. Cheer!!

Ice cream...... I have craving for ice cream on rainy and cold day. I want buffet for birthday????

2009-10-11T08:42:00.000-07:00

Shit, i dun want to write but i am at this very page so.... This is watz i am going to type for now. Whoever is reading this blog..... Wish all of you a great day ahead of you; have a goodnitez sleep.

Stay Happy, Cheers!!! =)

Juz speaking Out LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

God where are You? My feelings are eating me inside out. And i seems to disappear within myself I am being controlled. I am like a slave now to this feelings. I know i will not fall cause i am juz too stubborn and i dun want to lose. But i hate that feeling. And i hate being controlled. So Do Something. God Do something please. PLease do something about it. Coz it hurts real bad. I am bleeding. Bleed like i am clotting within myself that i juz want to slash it out so that i can bleed completely. And nicely. Neatly, and heals.

At least physical pain doesn't feel pain. Somehow i dun feel pain when i cut myself. I only can feel blood flowing but why is there no pain. Maybe if cut deeper den will feel pain. Haiz but will have scars. haiz haiz. or maybe not. Try already den say. OM i am sadist.

I enter a world of magic

2009-09-24T21:46:00.000-07:00

Nature are like magic. You surrender your lives to them and they will show you theirs. The sun is a great element to the living creature on earth, and with her around the trees will dance, birds will chirps, butterfly will fly, animals will leave their den to look for food, for her warms and to made food. The sky draws you to a world you never been and the wind helps you fly. All in All nature are after all Nature, they are full of love, full of wonder, they are so rich in watever you want to find in them.

If everyday lives is a magic. maybe i was born in a jungle. if only i am Jane.

2009-09-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

What a week? been having cold since Tues and i am still having it badly. I BLACKOUT AND NOT FAINT, PLS PLS DUN GET IT ALL WRONG???? I think i will faint if mg isn't there to say i can't help you. then i dun have to feel all the weird weird feeling- having cold sweat profusely, hot cum cold, wanting to vomit and shit at the same time.

All started when wanting to buy lunch with mg. thought nothing will happen since i did not feel terrible in the morning but after 15 min walk i want to vomit. On my way to the toilet, things goes black i go weak, next i know i am in the toilet and i am out of the toilet. Juz very blurr memories of how i get out of the toilet. first knock into the walls and the doors of the toilet then falling down- earn a bruise on my knee. from then on i remember what happen but everything is black and blurr like a television without colour and connection really bad.

when to the doc today, coz i lazy to work. Felt kind of irresponsible. But service is really bad. Should have juz gone to private clinic. i would rather pay for a better quality of service. If i have no money i would rather not see a doc. What is money? I dun owe them. The doc acting so proud who cares what is the symptom name in med terms.

Thank you to all who care. and thank you to those who help. Thank you to the lady who help me up when i fell, and thank you to the other for offer to help. other then that Love you my friend. Heez.... kind of weird being cared when i am sick. And i did something good in return i help lend my phone to a gal to call her mother and waited with her for her mother to come.

Losing voice, having head rush once in a while, and a very bad running nose. i also know flu include all of this symptom but i think cold is more of a suitable terms.

Buffet

2009-09-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

I ate buffet on Wed, Fish and co. yesterday. Cool, it so cool. I love to eat. Hope i dun grow fat after this month. going jogging to burn off all my energy. today morning.

I still want my ice cream. Haha somebody owe me a strwberry cheesecake ice cream from ben and jerry.. Yeah. I want to learn diving for this sem holiday, hope is not too ex.

My time now is 00 00. how come it stated as 09 ++

2009-08-31T04:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes doing stupid things is juz watz human will do. You may be right that it really pointless to live but life is life, it hard, it difficult. Den why not ask yourself why are there still people who want to live? Why some struggle to keep themselves alive? Life may be hard but that doesn't give us a reason to commit suicide. Losing someone is difficult, it painful, and it seems like there is no point in living. It can even be worse! What about people who grew up having both their parents died or they are being abandon? How will they feel? Dun you think this people are feeling something that you can't imaging? And it can be like a scar that will never be remove. I may not know what he is thinking but i think he should learn to appreciate what he has. Why some people have to wait until they lose it den realize it too late?

JUZ SOME LAME THINGS

2009-08-30T07:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i juz wonder watz Guyz are for? Haiz.... If only they dun make a women cry, at least they are worthy looking at. Stupid Stupid. Cool down Cool down.
Ahhhhh..... Juz feel like scolding him. Why made Her cry? It juz a small thing, small small SMALL thing.
I hate it! The only thing i can do is juz do nothing.

Actually i am juz a tiny weeny person that cannot do much. And dun have the ability to do much.

HAIZ.... I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN SOMEBODY LIFE. I WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD.

Ice cream

2009-08-17T21:54:00.001-07:00

Second post. Saw my sis eating ice cream ( i gave it to her though). I WANT TO EAT. does ice cream has drugs in it that why is it so addictive.... I WANT ICE CREAM I WANT ICE CREAM I WANT ICE CREAM I WANT ICE CREAM I WANT ICE CREAM...... AHHHHHHHHH I WANT ICE CREAM............ I WANT I WANT PLS PLS I WANT ICE CREAM. MY DEAR DEAR ICE CREAM, YOU ARE MESSING UP MY HEART, MY MIND, MY BODY, MY SOUL. ICE CREAM ICE CREAM, PLS COME TO ME BABY AND I WILL LOVE YOU DEARLY, EAT YOU UP SLOWLY, MELT YOU DOWN AND SEE HOW SWEET YOU ARE. HOW LOVELY YOU TASTE, HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE. I AM TOTALLY CRAZY FOR YOU. COME BACK TO ME, ICE CREAM.

P.S I am in love with rum and raisin and strawberry cheesecake.

2009-08-17T05:18:00.000-07:00

Cool i found a very cool blog on snake.... Loving snakes more each day. I am not going to give up. I am going to hang on. Think i am juz not a person that give up easily n not till the last minute. I am going to be a Docent. Another 2 weeks to go.

Jia you everyone. Life Sucks i know. But look forward for the next day of sun rise and sunset. Being lame. Look forward for something that is fun coz life is already so hard if not life seems boring. And for me i am looking forward to everyday weather. Weather can be fun and maybe i should be a weather reporter.

5 wounds to heal. How did i cut and scald myself everyday????

2009-08-11T04:26:00.000-07:00

After reading my own blog, never knew i can be so lame.. haha =D

Next time i will post something more interesting. Like snakes evolve to form old and new world snake. Old world snakes continue to lay their eggs and new world snakes can give birth to live snakes. Cool right? Not all snakes lay eggs. One of new evolution snakes are viper, there are others, i think. i should really study harder for my docent, if not no face.

Dummy

2009-08-09T22:49:00.000-07:00

TAN MENG GUAN, WHY IS IT I AM ANGRY, I DUN KNOW IT MTSELF??? AND I AM THE LAST PERSON TO KNOW I AM ANGRY? SHOULDN'T I BE THE FIRST TO KNOW? When did say i am angry? i dun even remember being angry. I am too tired to even to get angry, or remember anything.

How can somebody be so dumb?

2009-08-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

After talking it out, i could feel the aftermath..... I am all mixed up. How pathetic can i be???

How stupid can i be....

2009-08-04T20:24:00.000-07:00

Now that i am free, i really think how stupid i am to even be with him. I am so much better off without him. I think as people grew older, they become more dumb in handling things, becoming more timid in doing things. Shit myself. From now on, i am going to live up to my name. who cares what other think about me. I feel so much lighter, and i got all my freedom back. All of them. YIPEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-03T06:45:00.000-07:00

Dun be so weak. Be strong. This is life, dun expect life to be smooth every day, every month or years, decade, or centuries. It will never be the same. Today is already so different from yesterday, so how can life always be the same. Life is full of ups and downs, juz take it as a changing clothes, a changing weather. Although life sucks, but lives it to the fullest, to win it. You are the one controlling. Not God, or Satan. BUT YOU!!!!

Sucks, this whole day dampen by you two words. All of us are trying to live each day, not juz you. Who the hell like to live?????

2009-08-01T06:09:00.000-07:00

So how everybody??? Seems that this week is so long. Kind of miss everybody. Miss you and you, and you and you, and you........... the you juz never stop

Maybe life is really so hectic that even few hours seems to be days.

Juz a hug and a smile that will make things great everytime we meet. Somehow this is not possible to everyone, cause i am not living in western country. Where greeting are a like hug.

Meng Guan JIA YOU. Lose someone is painful but this feeling will be over as soon as you know it. it juz the moment of pain that make it seems impossible to pass. Juz try to adapt to it, if today cannot, try again tomo, and tomo, until you die. DUN GIVE UP. This is then call life, where there is up and there is down. If not life is boring. There is something better for you after this stage, and you won't know maybe you will find someone better. WE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU, THIS IS WATZ FRIEND ARE FOR.

JUZ REMEMBER TO TREAT ME ICE CREAM, CHOCOLATE, FOOD, AND MORE FOOD, AND MORE.

I am forever hungry. OMG. If only i am still at puberty then i grow taller. Maybe i really will grow taller. haha

2009-07-18T19:32:00.001-07:00

yo yo yo...... finally i am going to write another post.

last week is so hectic that i only ate two proper meal for one week. wishing upon that stars, the sky, the sun, that i can have more time to eat. For wed, i only ate two piece chicken with rice. thursday, i eat banana cake for breakfast and lunch and chocolate cake with salad for dinner. Fri, i ate pancake, tutu keuh and SUBWAY. so happy to eat. Sat come and it sad again. i only had two curry puff:(. SAD SAD SAD. I WANT TO EAT EAT EAT. EAT TILL I CANNOT EAT. Nevermind, it will be holiday soon another 5 weeks. YES!!!!!!!!!!! YIPEE!!!!!!! Tahan for another 5 weeks then i will be able to eat le.

Will i die by then? I hope not. Aiya my body will now treat this fasting likehibernation. body is now Going to prepare myself for the big eat..... EAT EAT EAT> YES!!!! YES!!!!! YES!!!!!

I WANT TO EAT SAKAE SUSHI BUFFER. I WANT TO EAT CHOCOLATE BUFFER, BUFFER BUFFER BUFFER. everyday a different buffer for one whole week to serve my stomach.

I WANT TO EAT EAT, BUFFER BUFFER BUFFER, CAN SOMEBODY MAKE MY DREAM COME TRUE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I WANT TO EAT EAT EAT. OMG I DROOLING ALREADY.

Hope somebody will treat me a little bit will do. my pocket will burn with my eating.

2009-04-26T05:22:00.001-07:00

Another week is going to pass. I am exhuasted, i want a refuge. Still life goes on. Everyday is turning into a drag.

Whatever, now i am reading "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" it turn out to be a very enjoyable book and these it how it goes:

"Imagine that men are Mars and women are from Venus. One day long ago the Martians, looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. Just glimpsing the Venusians awakened feelings they had never known. They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus. ... ..."

The first part like fairy tales. Actually this book it about how men and women react differently in the same circumstances. And how to improve relationship. And whatever....... The End

2009-04-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

Yo everyone i am back. It a boring week. I got a job to give flyer, it for a day only. It so bored nearly bored me to death. Somehow it was not all bad, the people i am working for are nice. They allow us- those that are giving flyer- to slack. Got to watch death race. But still kind of bored.

Today i go church have biblestudy. It abt end times. And i got the feeling that it will be happening in my time. lots of christian are being killed in lots of areas, disaster everywhere, economic dropping, and people now rather worship satan, and everything that are said in the bible are happening one after the other. I muz start reading the bible and be prepared for the end times.

Mothers day coming, i dun know when but i hope nobody will mention it in front of me. Pls dun mention anything abt celebrating or whatever shit abt it. Be sensetive.

Nonsense cum Nonsense

2009-04-20T03:01:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of my second year. Nothing speacial so nothing to talk abt. I got nothing better to write, dun like to talk abt watz i think i really feel. maybe when i learn something new and interesting i will post it. For now, i shall share some tips abt chocolate. Chocolate should be eaten at abt 20-25 degree. It won't be so hard and if there is any filling in the choco. It will melt in your mouth and it so goooood. delicious.

2009-04-12T20:27:00.000-07:00

In another week time, holiday will end and sch will start. I will be in the second year of poly. Time flies, and first year is gone with the holiday and the second comes. Another sem starting and it oso means another thing to worry- MONEY. I hate money. Hope i can finish another year of poly. Resolution for poly.

WORRY GO AWAY! GO FAR FAR AWAY....... I WANT TO STOP WORRYING! SHOO SHOO! I WILL SURELY KICK YOU TO NEVERLAND IF YOU ARE GOING TO STAY.

Last Word for Hammy

2009-04-05T03:58:00.000-07:00

I found my hamster- Hammy dead this morning. Ok, got to admit i am not a sentimental person. I didn't cried, not sad at all maybe a little missing him, and i threw it down the bin.

Sorry Hammy, maybe this is cruel or something. Anyway i threw you down already i cannot do anything about it now though. Hmm... i know there isn't any heaven for you or anything but if there is i hope Hammy 1 will be waiting for you there. You two are brothers so should somehow learn to be like one. Maybe he do left you here to survive on your own n the feelings of being left behind is painful but you live it through to now, bravely. Maybe you hate him to the moment you died but it time to let go. YOU ARE WITH HIM NOW, BE HAPPY. If there is really a heaven for hamsters, i hope you will find a lovely gal and married. Be a good father, good husband and dun eat too much until there is no food left in heaven. DUN TRY SHORT GUN. You are once my pet, so muz be a nice gentleman. Be a virgin till you are married. Have a nice journey. BYE BYE. will once in a while miss you.

2009-03-27T23:27:00.000-07:00

I saw alot of stars yesterday. How i hope i can camp out in the open to enjoy the stars.

My dog is sooooo cute..... Sorry i juz can't help but to mention her. She is always biting something, maybe she is still young but she bite the matress until all the stuff in it coming out. Her favourite biting object are finger and toes- the smeller the better. Watching her is so much of fun that sometimes i juz dun want to go out.

2009-03-21T05:45:00.000-07:00

When there is darkness, there will be light. Sometimes when life is a mess, there is still something to hope for, the coming of a day where things will peaceful and happy. At this moment, i hope that the dark days of my life will be over where i can see light.

Actually i am a bit weird, when everything is peaceful, i hope life will be a mess, it will be more exciting but when life is a mess i hope there will be peace. So life will go on like this to end of my life, humans are so pathetic.

Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in his ways. Psalm 128: 1

2009-03-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

So boring.... Life is getting so boring. My dog is self entertaining herself. She is so Cute. At the same time she is so gong- blurr. Always knocks herself on the head. Always playing inside the bedsheet. hahaz.... and she juz broke a tooth biting the zip of the sheet.

Still feeling abit lonely at times. Juz hope this feelings will pass soon.

2009-03-15T21:03:00.001-07:00

I am feeling the strain. I juz hope i can be fully occupied with something so i can take my mind of him. I AM GOING TO LOOK FORWARD, YOU CAN DO IT. I MUZ DO IT.

2009-03-13T11:37:00.000-07:00

At tis very moment, i am below my block accompanying MG. He somehow is not in a good mood about his friend. His friend is such a pathetic freak, dun know watz he is thinking. His friend is like a gay- sissy. Why do some people got to be such a jerk? Haiz... Somehow i think i am quite blessed to have friend who are not like his friends. I think everything can be solve if you can let go.... so jiayou mg. you can do it!!!! =) It juz another few months to go. You still got friends around you if you can try looking around you. Dun miss it.

2009-03-11T02:10:00.000-07:00

Watz should i update? hmm... actually i have no idea watz to say on the blog so for those looking at this post... juz skip for the next coz i got nothing to say.

2009-02-25T21:40:00.000-08:00

Finally exam is over...... yep yep hooray.. Hmm... juz receive a part time schedule from media corp. So happy no need to worry abt job and money. So sian exam over but got nothing to do that i am posting something. I am so fickle minded, when sch start i want holiday but when holiday come i hope i am back in sch. Juz within a few hours of holiday i hope i am back in sch... Haiz i think i should start planning my schedule and see watz i want to do during this holiday........ THINKING IN THE PROCESS.......... Hmm... I want to suntan, camp at some beach to juz look at the sky for the whole day- the stars in the night, the formation of the cloud in the day, sunset and sun rise. Be a volunteer at spca.

2009-02-12T21:52:00.000-08:00

Hmm... Ok lets start by introducing my tuition kid... Named Jacky Quek. Today i almost fell asleep teaching him. i SPENT ONE AN HALF HOUR TEACHING HIM TWO QUESTIONS!!!!!
Kind of waste my time haiz.... I think teaching a kid really need alot of patient and i cannot grumble coz i am waste den him when i was his age.... haiz like teacher like student hahaha retribution.
Seeing my blog for any update... here it is. Finally right?

2009-02-08T18:58:00.000-08:00

hi everyone i am back....... surprise. Finally, dun shoot me that i am computer idiot anymore. coz you are seeing me posting something

day 1

2009-01-06T21:11:00.000-08:00

i juz created a blog.......... for the fun of doing so